My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
