Pass out mid-funnel last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
