no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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