you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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