Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
