life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
