WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
