dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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