Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
