Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
