You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
