I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
