her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
