help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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