You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
