Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
