I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
