One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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