why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
