susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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