so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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