I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
