You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
