I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize