Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
