all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
