i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
