RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
