my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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