Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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