Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize