Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
