Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
