I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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