This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
