She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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