Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
