Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
