you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I will be naked everywhere
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
