You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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