Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
