the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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