I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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