you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
