i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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