So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
