Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
