i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
