and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
