I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
