Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
