He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
