First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
