i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
