i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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