FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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