i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize