She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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