your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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