I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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