He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
