some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize