Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
