The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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