Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize