I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
