Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
