I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think my nap took me to another dimension
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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