Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
