I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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