Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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