she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
