Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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