They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
