I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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