if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
