I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
