Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Randomize
