can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
