Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
