last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Randomize
