i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
