I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
