it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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