Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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