I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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