I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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