when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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