I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
