she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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