You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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