I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
