nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
