We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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