your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize