White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
