I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
