So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
