No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
