Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My cat gives me a boner
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We're too hungover to prance.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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