I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
