At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
